There are a lot of moments in therapy, where you go, “That sounds too simple to work.” “I Feel” Statements are an example of this.
So you try it because you are paying so much money.
And then it works. Later you tell your friend about it and say, “There, I just saved you $200,” and try to get them to pay for your drink. (I should add, therapy is worth every penny, even without free drinks).
They will roll their eyes. You will tell your shrink about your cheap, eye-rolling friend next week.
Anyway, coping with anxiety, like so many other things in life, is about taking a lot of simple little measures, one at a time.
Communication Anxiety Hack: The “I Feel” Statement
When I was writing about how I’ve improved June’s behavior by communicating with her in a more precise way, it made me want to write about my own, human version of that: The “I Feel” statement.
When you have all these huge emotions, ideas, or issues with something, and I mean anything—friend stuff, spouse stuff, professional stuff—the very thought of having that conversation can start your anxious little heart beating faster.
But you can get over the panic fast with two words: “I feel.”
These generally replace the word, “You.”
- “I feel upset about your derogatory comment towards my favorite show.”
- “You lack the delicate sensibility needed to truly appreciate Drop Dead Diva.”
This is a way to get your own thoughts across the air, and into the other person’s head tactfully. “You,” statements tend to put people on the defensive, so they might not hear you.
I feel that you get the idea.
Image via clotho98.